We're going to need a bigger boot.

"You're packing a day early."

Kaidan looked up. "Oh, hey, mom," he said. "...I'm not. I'm heading back to Fandom in the morning."

"So you're not coming with us." She didn't sound surprised, just... disappointed. "Your grandmother is going to be sad to hear that. She was looking forward to seeing you again." She leaned against the doorway and watched him move - it made him feel more than a little self-conscious.

"I know," he said. "I just... I have some stuff to catch up on. That's all."

Mom hung around for another moment or two, but she didn't say anything else. He could feel the weight of her attention settling in on him, pushing down on his guilt. But... if there was anything this visit had made clear, it was that he didn't know what to say, or how to explain it, or even... anything, really. Didn't - couldn't - burden his parents with it all.

She vanished. Eventually. He finished packing.

---

He was standing out on the balcony, looking out over the bay. Watching the snow come down. It was as soothing as it seemed desolate. Appropriate; the hint of clarity, of closure that Abby's visit had brought hadn't stuck around long. He felt as lost now as he ever had.

"You're not doing so well," his father said.

"No," Kaidan agreed. "But I'm doing better. I think."

He knew his father well enough to know the man wouldn't push. He certainly wasn't going to ask further questions. That just... wasn't the way they worked.

"I feel like going for a walk," Dad said. "You feel like going for a walk?"

"Sure," Kaidan said.

---

It wasn't a terrible Christmas, all in all.

It... just didn't really feel like Christmas.

[[ establishy, because. ]]